Marguerite (ruca6) wrote,
Marguerite
ruca6

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i like ambien...

my doctors just put me on ambien and i think i might have taken a little too much.
Tonight,while I was on my way comming back from walking my mom to her therapy session, i had the biggest craving for anything out of the heat. i wound up in a starbucks, hunched in a corner, people strangly eyeing my perscrtption bottle and strangly eyeing me. So i got the hell out of there(sadly it's like the only place that will let you just sit in some nice AC). i started to wander where i live, or near it and I was almost home when i started to feel anything, so i decided to act on some of my impulsive behavior. And the sad little expierence that resulted in my new-found confidence (in nothing), made clear to me why life as a hermit or troll under a bridge can be very nice and wonderful. The store i was passing was a bookstore that i used to go to fairly frequently, but not because of the selection of books. The selection of men is what i was interested in, namely one with cute blue eyes. Before i had ever been sent to any of the treatment centers that ruined my life, when i was going out at night because that was what was expected of me(not like socially or anything-i never tought of that stuff) but beyond occasional bad days, i always had someone in my life, even if we would just kiss in th middle of the street and never see eachother agian. One day i just walked in, not expecting anything, and saw this beautiful creature sitting behind the desk.Zac. i gave him my number, kinda maybe thinking that he would not be a total asshole and just fucking call me. but he didnt, and he scoffed when i passed by....its really not his fault im having ....i cant finish what im saying. i mean i want to but i think the ambien is clotting my brain...the thing that i was trying to convey was how sad and broken it feels to see people who i used to date or who thought i was hot and said so...and tonight he looked at me that resembled disgust....
i cant explain how hard it is to type right now. i cant focus on anything because little fingers and kids are running in and out of the keyboard....
.
how long have i been writing in this thing? it feels like years......i think i need to laydown or go watch something interesting like the home shoping netwark.
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